An Offensive Machine

Since the kids decided to get the Wii, I decided to capitalize on it and get the Wii Fit. I had been going to the gym but that stopped in April when baseball started. I need to get in shape and heard the Wii Fit was a great way do this. Now, I am not so sure.

I started the set up this morning. I found my cute little Mii person and they put her in a cute little yoga outfit. The little Wii board talks to me in this little chipper voice and is on the screen guiding me through the set up. The first thing it asks me to do is step on the board and I when I did I swear it it said "Oh my." The screen message comes up that there was an error. The little voice asks me "Are you fidgeting? I can't get a good reading. Please step off and on again." Okay, I think this is normal and step off and then on but am cautious because I really think it said "Oh my" when I stepped on the first time. This time it reads me and says it is time to start the basic test. I have to do these balance exercises, which it gives no instruction for, and then it says to me in a voice now beginning to sound like the little lady from Poltergeist or The Exorcist, whatever psycho move it was, "Do you trip often?" EXCUSE ME? The wii psycho lady is asking me if I trip often. Well, of course I do. Doesn't everyone? But, I continue on, mostly because my kids are watching and I didn't want to throw a temper tantrum at the wii in front of them.

Next test, some standing positions, checking my posture. I think, "No problem. What can she yell at me for here?" I won't ask that question again. Apparently there are issues with my posture as well. Now I have to put in my age and my height. In her sing-songy voice she tells me just a minute, she will figure my "Wii Age" and then "we" can decide what training I should do. She comes back with an age seven years older than me. SEVEN years!!! Holy cow!!!! And, she tells me that my BMI is high and makes my cute little mii person chubby, come on lady!

I feel like I just signed up for the military. My poltergeist trainer just beat me down. What did I sign up for? This little computer generated machine kicked my butt and I didn't even see it coming. And I didn't actually exercise.

Maybe tomorrow when I do actually exercise, I will trade her in on a better model. Some Austrian guy that chants "You cun du it" sounds much better to me than a little psycho lady saying, "Oh my" every time I step on the board.