The Big Hunt

Pre-Hunt
Nimrod and I got to camp around noon the day before my hunt began. We got the trailer organized and then quietness... it was weird having no busy tasks to do, no kids to take care of, no Internet, no phone service. So, I did what all good moms do, I took a nap. Man, it was great! Late that afternoon we went scouting so I could find an elk and kill it first thing in the morning. Took the quad on an hour drive and then hiked awhile to glass a tank. Right at dusk a few small bulls came in to water and then Nimrod found a big one. He was over a thousand yards away but he looked good. The sun set and we couldn't see anymore so we headed back to the quad. In the midst of the darkness, elk were bugling all over the place. Imagine walking through trees, not being able to see anything but the person in front of you, and every few minutes you hear this noise that sounds like those plastic tubes we used to whirl around as kids followed by a few grunts. I don’t even know the letters to describe the sound but is very manly and outdoorsy sounding. Anyway, we were in the middle of a bugling frenzy and couldn't see anything but just knew that come tomorrow we would find the perfect one for me to kill. After an hour ride on the quad, ON A DIRT ROAD, we were back at the trailer. It was eight o’clock and needed to be in bed by nine so ate a quick dinner and off to bed. Nimrod was a little exited but I fell asleep right away, despite me already taking a nap earlier in the day.


DAY 1
3:00am-We wake up and it is pitch black outside. No moon-good conditions for hunting elk, bad conditions for someone who doesn’t really want to be up that early. I got up and put my make up on and got ready. Yes, I said makeup. I know, I know, but it is so part of my routine that I can’t help it. Besides, when I kill that big bull, I want to look good in the pictures.

3:30am-We have eaten and gotten ready and I look like camouflage Michelin man. I have 3 layers on top, two pairs of pants on and a big puffy jacket. Gone is self-esteem image. I am beyond the girly figure I think I should have. I am now relishing looking like a marshmallow. Our good friend, Wrongway, (think Gilligan’s island-goggles, personality and all) shows up at the trailer.He is a hunting fanatic just like my husband and knows the area pretty well so he has offered his help. We head out on the quad for an hour ride to the place we want to hunt. It is COLD and pitch black. Once we get to the spot, we have to load up with all the gear and head out into the trees and get set up before light so the elk don’t see us. We are walking in the dark through trees, stumbling over rocks and twigs. I am not as quiet as I should be, I guess I need to learn to be sneaky. The three of us follow the elk bugles and I am sure we are going to kill one on opening morning. I will be home by tomorrow with a nice elk. As daylight approaches we are in good position. The elk are bugling toward to us and I am ready for one to step from behind a tree. As the elk are approaching, we here a dog bark in the distance. What in the world? All of us are puzzled by this odd noise in the thick of trees. Next thing we hear is this diesel truck flying through the clearing just beyond us. There isn’t even a road there. Dog-gone-it! The elk clam up and now we hear more dogs. It turns out to be a truck full of 12-15 lion hound dogs and their owner. He lets them out all over the place and adios to elk we were on to. I’m a little lot miffed at this lion hunter!

We walk to a place away from where we were so Nimrod and Wrongway could glass for elk because obviously we weren't going to find one where the dogs were. Around 8:30am we headed back to camp. When we got back to camp Wrongway was laughing. He said he was watching me bob all around on the back of the quad and was waiting for Nimrod to bounce me right off the quad and be woken up by the ground. I had fallen asleep on the quad ride.

That evening we went to the place Nimrod and I went to the night before anticipating we would be among the bugle frenzy again and be able to kill the bull we saw the night before. Well, no one let the elk know that because there were none there at night. Someone must have told the elk I was coming back and they got scared and took off. I mean there was not one elk bugle. No frenzy, nothing! It also could have been my alergy attack that scared them off. I was sneezing like a maniac. My nose was running and I had no tissue so I had to use my sleeve. YUCK!! Let's just say I wasn't really in the mood to kill an elk anyway.

8:00pm-dinner and bed—I am exhausted and have nothing to show for it

Elk: 1 Me:0

Day 2
3:00am-up again and get ready for a new day to kill an elk. I realize that haven't had a B.M. since I have been here. This could be a problem. Not only am I looking like the Michelin man because of my clothes, I am bloated. I decide to take a colace to cleanse the system and hope that it works.

3:30am-back out on the quad ride on the dirt road for an hour. Did I tell you how these quad rides are killing my contacts? I want to scratch my eyes out. I have to wear my sunglasses when we ride, even in the middle of the night. I am just cool that way, ha! Really, it keeps most of the dust out my eyes. This me and my incognito hunting outfit. My mask keeps my allergies in check and my lips from drying out.

4:30am-get our gear together and head out in the dark again. Nimrod and Wrongway are upbeat because the wind is in our favor, there is no moon, and we hear some bugling. All the conditions are right for me to kill an elk. We sneak towards the elk and decide to cut them off as they head towards the place they will bed down for the day. One elk bugles and Nimrod bugles back. They continue this banter for quite some time as we follow it through the tree line. It is probably the first time Nimrod feels someone really understands his language. We really think we got this bull. We’re following him and inching our way, moving in and out of the trees. We know we are on the verge of getting him and all of a sudden, he is going away from us. We move faster, he moves faster. We chased that elk like a dog chasing his tail. When we finally realized we weren’t going to catch him, guess where we end up? Back at our quads. He led us in a circle. We were duped! And the whole time we're chasing this guy, I kept thinking, "If that colace kicks in, I am going to have to go in my pants because Nimrod is not going to stop for me to find a tree."

We wander around for awhile and the men decide to glass this ridge. I snuggle up the the backpack and take a nap right on the ground. 45 minutes later I wake myself up snoring. I asked Nimrod if I scared the elk away with my snoring. He replied "No, but the drool puddle you left is big enough for an elk to come wallow in." Nice guy, isn't he? Once I was awake, we decide to head back to camp. Wait, the colace is kicking in, I better find a tree. I am good to go now. :)




Again, I fall asleep on the quad, Nimrod has to hold onto my hands so I don’t bounce off. We spend our midday strategizing and napping, I am beginning to get the hand of this hunting thing. Walk, stalk, sleep, eat, sleep, walk, stalk, eat, sleep…

This afternoon we go back to the same spot. Wrongway had seen a big bull in there days ago and we thought we could get on him. There were a few clouds in the skyline, but no worries. We walk in and get setup in tree line so when the elk came to feed, we would be there. Guess what? We were wrong about the clouds. We had enough time to get under a tree and the rain came down. Nimrod had a trash bag in his backpack, so I sat against a tree and he huddled over me while the rain poured. He didn’t want me to get wet because I still had an elk to kill so he took the brunt of the water and got drenched. But guess what he kept talking about? "I hope my gun doesn't get too wet. " Talk about messed up priorities! Well, it is the extremely expensive custom rifle he won in at an auction so I guess should be thankful I get to even touch it. :) Anyway, moving on...Wrongway was under another tree, I don’t know how he fared. Oh yeah, the rain gear was on the quad. Good thinking on our parts, huh? Finally it stops and the boys are excited. Rain and cooler temps are supposed to make the elk go crazy. This hunt was a done deal. We were going to nail an elk. As we’re sitting under the tree laughing about how we forgot our rain gear but it won’t matter because in a little while the elk would be here to kill, Wrongway loudly whispers, “Grab the gun, there’s a big bull!” I grab the gun and we sneak around our tree towards the opening where the elk were. Rats! The cow and calf saw us and bolted-along with the bull! What an adrenaline rush for nothing. What were they doing out, it was too early and he was not bugling. No warning, nothing. Just as we get over that rush and quick disappointment, here comes another bull and cows. They are 15 yards away from me. Nimrod has me dial in on him but then tells me he is too small, a 5x5. The first bull I see to shoot is too small? Those of you non-trophy hunters understand my confusion. Those of you that are trophy hunters, totally get it. We become statues as they move on so as not to scare them. We couldn't move anyway because guess what comes with rain--mud. I mean several inches thick mud.

We make it back to our quads, change out of the wet clothes and put on the rain gear so the ride home is not cold and wet. The. ride home was something I have never experienced before. Remember I said we ride for an hour on a dirt road to and from camp. Well, now it is a mud bog. I sit behind Nimrod so I can't see where we are going (and it is dark) but I can fell the pull of the mud on the quad. The farther we go, the heavier the mud gets. Pretty soon it is flying everywhere. It hit me in the head, arm, leg, face-everywhere! I can't see it coming so it I am blindsided by flying mud. Nimrod is getting it as well. He can see from the headlight and can dodge a few clumps but not all. And, we're not talking nice soft mud. We're talking about big, hard, rocky chunks. All of a sudden, Wrongway pulls up beside us and is laughing hysterically. He said that watching the attack of the Killer Mud on us is quite comical. So I start throwing mud clumps at him. We kindof have this mud fight going down the road. Suddenly, we start bogging down and it isn't so funny anymore. Nimrod has to put it in 4 wheel drive as we stall and I start praying. I REALLY do not want to get stuck. It is wet, cold, muddy and a long way from camp. Wrongway can't stop and help us because he runs the risk of getting stuck as well. We finally maneuver out of it and make it back to camp, very slowly. At camp, we realize just how coated we are in mud. Our quad, our clothes, our equipment, everything. Nimrod and Wrongway attempt to clean off most of the mud so tomorrow it isn't too hard to get out.

A quick dinner and shower. Don't even ask about what gets washed out of my hair. It is 9:15 and we're off to bed.

Elk:2 Me:0